In our fast-paced and interconnected world, effective communication is a key skill. At the heart of meaningful communication lies the principle of seeking first to understand before being understood. This timeless concept, popularized by Stephen Covey in his influential book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," emphasizes the transformative power of empathy in fostering stronger connections, resolving conflicts, and building a foundation for positive relationships. Empathy can be described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It involves stepping into someone else's shoes, seeing the world from their perspective, and genuinely comprehending their emotions. Seeking first to understand is an active and intentional practice of empathy, acknowledging that true communication goes beyond mere words. In education, there are times when you think, I should write this down. This core memory needs to last for audiences beyond my tenure in education. In having one of these moments recently, the memory serves me differently than it would when I first started my educational journey as I connect it to lessons learned from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. To provide you with a clearer picture, let me summarize the experience. Recently, I walked into a primary classroom and of course all the littles begin hugging me upon entrance as if you were royalty. It happens naturally when walking into warm, inviting environments. This classroom was no different and the students gathered to greet the guest in the room. There was an exception. There was one student who presented a finger, that may have been interpreted as a rude gesture, and mumbled a few words. Keeping my headspace using a curious mindset, I walked closer to the young student while they repeated their task by counting the two things they were having to do; pack our bags and go to gym. If I had been a novice educator, I may have responded quite differently when the mumbling and interaction first began. In my curiosity, I moved in and asked what was being shared and realized it was very different than what direction my mind had taken the interaction. Beyond the joy this brought me, I think about the lessons in education that have caused me to reflect differently on this interaction than I would have prior to knowing about Stephen Covey’s work around the 7 Habits. Seeking first to understand prior to being understood is easier said than done. When practicing this skill there are a few things to consider. Listen Actively: The first step in seeking to understand is active listening. It involves not just hearing the words spoken but also grasping the underlying emotions and intentions. This requires giving full attention to the individual, making eye contact, and avoiding the urge to formulate responses while they're still talking. Suspend Judgment: To truly understand someone, it's essential to suspend judgment. This means setting aside preconceived notions, biases, and assumptions, allowing the individual to express themselves without fear of criticism. It creates an open and safe space for honest communication. Empathize: Empathy involves connecting emotionally with others. By putting oneself in the other person's shoes, we can better appreciate their feelings, concerns, and perspectives. This emotional connection forms the basis for building trust and understanding. Seeking first to understand before being understood is more than a communication technique; it's a mindset that can transform the way we connect with others. When we actively listen to others, we lean into conversations in such a way that we can choose to suspend judgment while activating empathy. By doing so we pave the way for authentic communication, fostering healthier relationships and a more compassionate culture. When we choose to integrate this principle into our daily lives, we become intentional about actively working toward understanding others on a deeper level while developing stronger connections with students, staff, and families. New Year’s Challenge: How will you be intentional in leaning into others? By: Jessica Schirrmacher-Smith, CA BOCES Professional Development
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